Joke Contest, $100 Cash Prize and free banner spot on forum Options

[MATTHEW]

Hello everyone I hope everyone is doing well Its been along time since we held any kind of forum Contest come to think of it I have never held one since I have been Admin so here is our first contest it will be called (the best joke contest) here is what you need to do is just post your best joke and answer you have here and the winner will win $100 cash and 1 wk top 728x90 banner spot winner will be paid by AlertPay ,the Contest will run from 7/25-7/28 this will give all members a fair shot at winning there will be only 1 winner here so good luck to all and on 7/28 at 8pm EST I will announce the winner I will start with the first joke

what has three feet but can't walk?

A Yard Stick

only 1 joke allowed per member

PS:I wanted to thank all members for the get well wishes from my recent surgery

FYI: the total value of this contest is $250.00

if you are a guest of the forum and viewing this just simply register in our forum and you may post your joke and have a chance at winning as well

Thanks
Matthew
MCF'S Admin

[Maggie_61]

Hi Matthew,

I didnt know u had a surgery, be well soon !!

I have here funny jokes, one, and two youtube videos >>

Please Don't Pee in the Pool: A Funny Songdrops Song by Bryant Ode

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5om694_E-Y...player_embedded

and

Monty Python - The Funniest Joke In The World

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gpjk_MaCGM



and my joke is:


A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”


Have fun ! :)

==================================================


Maggie

[RadiateLove]

Why was the blond lady staring at the orange juice can?

The can had the word "concentrate" on it.

This post has been edited by RadiateLove: Jul 25 2010, 02:17 PM

[Brand Hans R.]

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

[Baileys]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

[panamagirl]

What do you call a 300 pound hooker in Oceanside,Calif>>>>>>>>>>(Camp Pendelton).......................

A heavy marine layer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[westcash]

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"

"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"

"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked. One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. "There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it." Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys. "That was fantastic," he panted. "So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked. "I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."

"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette."

[Ritesh]

Don't copy if you can't paste!


A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
He Said : "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top IT manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

The wife went wild with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!

[rjsrj]

A beaver goes into a bar and asks,
"Is the Bar tender here?"

[Andi87]

My joke for entering this great contest is:

"The fallen grandmother"

Fritz and his grandmother are going around the streets.

Suddenly Fritz is seeing a lost 5 $ buck on the street.

He ask his grandmother: "Can I pick this up?"

But his grandmother tells him: No, what is lying on the street, you are not allowed to pick up."

Some Meters away. Fritz is seeing a 20 $ buck on the street

Fritz is asking the same question and his grandmother is telling him: "No!"

Another meters away, Firtz is seeling that a 50 $ buck is lying on the street.

He ask his grandmother a third time. Same answer,

But suddenly his grandmother don't see an empty banana lying on the street and she is falling.
She tells him: "Fritz, help me up, "please"!
But Fritz is only telling to his grandmother: "No, grandmother, what is lying on the street I am not allowed to pick up!"

[Jimalley]

"My Joke"[i][u]
Pat & Paddy were walking across a field on a very dark night, when they came across a deep hole, Pat said,"I Wonder how deep it is?" "I know how to find out", said Paddy, he felt around until he found a stone, he picked up a stone and through it down the hole, they both listened to hear it hit the bottom, but there was no sound. Pat said,"Crikey it must be deep, we need something heavier, feeling around in the dark he found a log, give need a hand with this big log". So they dragged the log over to the hole and pushed it down. A moment later they heard a galloping sound, turning around they saw a goat charging toward them, they just managed to jump out of It's way, and the goat, unable to stop jumped down the hole. Just then a light shone in their eyes. It was the farmer, "What's going on here" he said. After explaining, Pat added," Yes and them a mad goat charged at us, and jumped down the hole", the farmer replied," It couldn't have been my goat, I had him tied to a log". Ha! Ha! Ha!

[wealth4u]

A man comes home from work one day and finds his wife and best friend in bed together. The man goes into his closet, gets his gun, and shoots his best friend dead. His Wife gets up looks at him in the eyes and says;
"You keep doing that and you'll have no friends left."